When I looked out the kitchen window, this morning, I couldn’t help but smile. After the big storm that just passed through, the sun was back…shining bright in a bright blue sky – at least for today. Oh, how I love the sunshine. Thank you, God, for these sunny days that warm my body and heart.
I don’t know what it is about me, but it’s as if my sleepy soul wakes up in the springtime. I’ve often wondered if it’s because I was born in April. I always feel like I have some special connection to April sunshine and the feeling that spring brings with it; freshly scented new life.
This morning, I just wanted to stay home, take it all in, listen to some great tunes and continue on my “simple life” adventure. But duty calls and I have to face the other responsibilities in my life.
And speaking of responsibilities…It’s an area that I’ve been struggling lately. My heart longs to slow down, but there are things lingering over me that feel like I’m carrying a big monkey on my back. I tell myself to “Suck it up!” and “Deal with it!” as I trudge forward. But I can’t stop these feelings inside of me as it bears down like a heavy weight. And hey, I’m “the sunshine girl” after all, so part of the struggle is how I really feel about the whole situation and the need to rise above and simply embrace it. It’s like two sides fighting against each other.
I suppose, the truth of the matter is…I don’t want to embrace this “thing.” I want to rewind the clock and take a different road because it’s not what I thought it would be. I am disengaged and overwhelmed. My heart just isn’t in it. I feel nothing but regret. So, instead of embracing this, I continue to push it away and hide from it…hoping that somehow, it will just go away. Ugh…the struggles that take place in my brain…if they only knew.
And In this next moment, I have to laugh, because just as I finally get the truth of these feelings out of me, I pause… and as I look over to the table across the room, I see my little book, “Jesus Calling.”
Oh my goodness…do you see the humor of this? I haven’t picked it up in months. Here I am grumbling and mentally asking, “What do I do with this?! And then, like the bright light of caller I.D. I see, “Jesus Calling!” Okay, maybe it’s just me…but that cracks me up.
So I walk over and read today’s note:
“I have promised to meet all your needs according to My glorious riches. Your deepest, most constant need is for My Peace. I have planted Peace in the garden of your heart, where I live; but there are weeds growing there too: pride, worry, selfishness, unbelief. I am the Gardener, and I am working to rid your heart of those weeds. I do My work in various ways. When you sit quietly with Me, I shine the Light of My Presence directly into your heart. In this heavenly Light, Peace grows abundantly and weeds shrivel up. I also send trials into your life. When you trust Me in the midst of trouble, Peace flourishes and weeds die away. Thank Me for troublesome situations; the Peace they can produce far outweighs the trials you endure. “
(from Philippians 4:19; 2 Corinthians 4:17)
I can’t help but giggle. Sometimes I’m like a little girl who stomps my foot and says, “But I don’t wanna do this! I want to do things MY WAY!” Do you think I needed to hear this today? Yeah…I believe so.
So what do I get from this? It seems to me that in order for me to embrace a simple life, I have to take into account the mental and spiritual part of the journey. In all of my grumbling, I am actually holding myself down and causing chaos…clutter, if you will, of the heart.
Okay…so maybe this “thing” isn’t something that I feel really passionate about doing. While the physical responsibilities feel like a burden, I have to choose to turn my focus inward, to my very own heart and step out of my own way, so that He can bring the peace that I anxiously wait for. I just have to know that my personal journey is going to require me to step outside of my comfort zone sometimes. I have to know that I’ll be grateful for the lessons I’m going to learn through this. Okay…I feel a bit of peace as I embrace that thought.
In all honesty, left to my own vices, I could become very reclusive. So it’s possible this “trial” will actually turn out to be something very good for me…as I’m nudged mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Thank you for that insight, God.
It appears that part of my “simple life” spring cleaning needs to include decluttering of the heart. Don’t you think?