Tag: be still

Healing Balm

It happened two days ago. The work week had been a busy one, but I was feeling like I had an energetic spunk in my step. I was on track and moving through a very productive day. In spite of falling off of my healthy band wagon over the past month, I was feeling particularly good about myself; good hair day, cute outfit, jewelry that rocked, and high heels. Just feeling good and focused.

The mail had just been delivered to my desk, so I was walking around and handing it out to my coworkers, giving them all a cheery “Hello!” as I dropped items onto their desks. With a busy month behind me, and a fairly clear calendar ahead of me, I was feeling pretty jazzed about the forward momentum I was feeling. As I finished up and turned to walk back into my office, I felt the punch! BAM!

“What the…?!?!” I had just been sucker punched right in my back!!   As I tried to relax and hobble back over to my chair, I told myself, “Don’t even think about it. Just relax. Mind over matter…mind over matter.” But as I sat there, the pain became so intense I thought I’d go crazy. Before I knew it, the entire area was becoming a huge knot, seizing to the point of pain if I even moved my right arm. And good grief, it was right in that upper area of the back that’s impossible to reach, but I sure tried. I thought that if I could just rub it out, the knot would subside and relax. However, the stretch to try to reach it caused the pain to go up the side of my neck.

The feeling of old age and worry began to creep in. I don’t just flick off those pains like I used to. No, my brain begins to take me on a mental rollercoaster ride of possibilities as to what could be causing such pain. Instead of thinking I’ve simply pulled a muscle, my mental ride loops me around twists and turns of, “Is it my heart?! Is it some sort of foreign growth?!” Yes friends, I am a closet worrier when it comes to health issues. I guess when you’re diagnosed with hypertension (which I always thought was just over-the-top positive energy) and are told “…it’s the silent killer, especially in women,” well…the brain can take you on some serious loop de loops when even normal stuff happens.

I immediately logged into Avocado (a great site for couples, by the way) to have an IM chat with my husband. “Are you there?!” I type. (pause…for what seems like forever) “Yep, I’m right here.” he writes back to me, seconds later. I begin to tell him about the pain I’m in and I write, “Please tell me that I’m okay.” Seriously….this man of mine is amazing in so many ways. He never ever treats me like the big baby I sometimes turn into. Instead, he assures me with all sorts of encouragement that he knows how to speak in my own language. Thank you HB.

He writes back, “You are fine, my love. You’ve had a lot of stress going on and I think it finally hit you.” I write, “You think so…?”

Huh. Stress? Could it really be that? I took pause for a moment to go through the mental list of things that had taken place over the last month or so.

Hmm, let’s see…my old boss retired, a new boss stepped in. Attended new meetings and assisted in office moves. Made travel arrangements for out-of-town wedding. Went through address book to find someone to take care of the animals while the family was out-of-town. Attended non-work meetings and events. Planned, coordinated, bought decorations, food and other necessary items for out-of-town rehearsal dinner.  Hosted rehearsal dinner. Attended most romantic and fun wedding ever! Paid bills. Scheduled and rescheduled meetings and events. Paid bills. Oh yeah…broke my tooth (the week before the wedding), made dental appointments for that. Paid big dental bill. Oh wait…that reminds me…excuse me for a sec while I take my blood pressure medication. 🙂

Yeah…I guess HB was right. I guess it was possible that a little bit of tension here and there punched me right square in my back. And this morning, when I woke up, I was reminded of it all over again.

So what do I do with all of this? How can I use this, in a positive way, to move forward?

In looking back on my big mental list, I was hit again…with a visual of what a control freak I really am! While I do love to create casual and relaxed settings for others, I practically kill myself in the process as I seek to acquire perfection.

This morning I picked up my “Jesus Calling” devotional and just have to share what today’s message said:

Trust ME enough to let things happen without striving to predict or control them. Relax, and refresh yourself in the Light of My everlasting Love. My Love-Light never dims, yet you are often unaware of My radiant Presence. When you project yourself into the future, rehearsing what you will do or say, you are seeking to be self-sufficient; to be adequate without My help. This is a subtle sin–so common that it usually slips by unnoticed.

The alternative is to live fully in the present, depending on Me each moment. Rather than fearing your inadequacy, rejoice in My abundant supply. Train your mind to seek My help continually, even when you feel competent to handle something by yourself. Don’t divide your life into things you can do by yourself and things that require My help. Instead, learn to rely on Me in every situation. This discipline will enable you to enjoy life more and to face each day confidently. ~Psalm 37:3-6; Philippians 4:19

Wow. Like balm to my sore muscles, just the thought of this Truth eases the tension within me. Why is it that I continually take the reins as I charge through the days of my life? I did have several spiritual moments throughout the busyness listed above. But that’s the thing…they were truly just moments. I didn’t really have Him with me as I charged in to make all things perfect.

We’re told to give thanks in everything…so that’s what I’m choosing to do today. In spite of the pain I still feel in my back, I’m feeling thankful that it caused me to slow my mind down enough to re-think the things that I do and the chaos I can create when I take control and go it alone. So today, I’m refocused spiritually…with Him out in front of me.

So what about you? Got any events on the horizon that you are over-the-top controlling? Come on, be honest. Have you even taken a moment to sit down, relax and depend on Him for your abundant supply? If not, I can’t encourage you enough to get your focus back. Re-read the words from my morning devotion.

My favorite part…”Instead, learn to rely on Me in every situation. This discipline will enable you to enjoy life more and to face each day confidently.” Oh yeah…Healing Balm…I just felt it rubbed into that little knot in my back.

Have a blessed day, friends.

~CindyLu

friday chats

 

Who’s Setting the Bar?

HB and I have found a great couples devotion. Every Saturday morning we start our day on the porch, with coffee in hand, as we dive into some positive and, often times, very deep conversations about us and life.

We’ve both experienced areas of ministries, that we were once so passionate about, fading away. It has left us feeling tired, defeated, wandering spiritually, and asking, “Well…now what do we do?”

It’s apparent to me, that we will have periods in our life where everything is just clicking into place and then, all of a sudden, the well runs a bit dry and we’re left standing there wondering, “What happened?!

But, it’s true what they say…”God will meet you right where you are.” I know this because, in my weariness, He’s met me here and has assured my heart that I’m still okay. In fact, I believe He’s wanted me to have a little rest so that I can recharge, reflect and refocus.

Going forward looks very different from what I left behind…a concept that is sometimes hard for me to grasp because I often want what I had. I think we all have some moment that we want to return to, but life is always in forward motion so pining after “that moment” leaves us feeling discouraged and empty.

I can see now, that I’m often guilty of setting the bar. Instead of just following His lead, I take it and run off ahead. When I remove Him from the equation, I begin to either feel overwhelmed or discouraged, like I’m somehow letting Him down. The truth is, I’m letting me down, because I didn’t reach “my” expectation. His feelings never change for me. Why can’t I grasp that?!

But as I continue to move forward, I’m seeing His thumbprint on what is ahead and so I move along, slowly for now, keeping the eyes of my heart on Him. I’m trying to focus on simple truths like,…”Be still and know that I am God.” And “My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” It’s becoming clearer to me, that “my way” can lead to stress, chaos, and feelings of being overwhelmed and discouraged. But, over and over again, I feel what’s being impressed on my heart is that His way is fulfilling and simple. Period.

If you feel like you’re floundering and overwhelmed with “stuff,” I would encourage you to focus on those two simple truths. Just be still, calm your heart, and lean on the assurance that He is God and in control.

If your day(s) begin to feel insurmountable and chaotic, I would encourage you to do a “bar check.” and ask yourself, “Who’s setting the bar? Is this God’s bar – or mine?” and then, readjust, as needed.

Just remember…His way is fulfilling and simple.

~CindyLu

be_still_and_know_that_i_am_god_picture

I Smile

I’m sitting here, looking out my window, coffee in hand…and feeling frustrated. It’s been a busy week and I still have a list of things that I need to do; both, for myself and for others. I let out a sigh.

I long to write…and have ideas but they just won’t come out of my fingers tips and onto paper. Instead they continue to bounce around in my head, where I can’t quite touch them. Some days I can sit with my journal and the words just flow. Other days….silence.

I begin to question myself again…”Do you really have what it takes?” and I allow the discouragement to settle in.  But then…I hear the little fighter in me saying, “Wait it out, the words will come again.” I let out a sigh.

All of a sudden, a whisper flitters into my heart, “Be still…”

I continue to sit by my window and do just that. Outside, the world wakes up. A couple is walking hand-in-hand, down my street and I think about HB and how we keep saying we’re going to get outside and start walking. I think of the evening and how I can’t wait to see him when we’re both home again. I smile.

There’s a stray cat that I’ve named Coffee Bean, leisurely snoozing on my front porch. She has a home two doors down, but she loves my front porch for its comfy furnishings. I don’t mind at all, because the sight of her resting there is so pretty in my eyes. I think every porch should have a cat snoozing on it. I smile.

A couple of birds are on the feeder and I’m thankful that Coffee Bean couldn’t care less by their presence. I’ve learned that she would rather sleep than do anything else. They make their little birdie noises and drop little seed shells on the railing and she just snoozes away nearby. I smile.

Cars are pulling out of their driveways and heading out to begin their day…something that I need to do soon, as well. But for now, I want to sit here and be still…in silence.

My heart hears it again…”Be still and know…”

I’ve spent the week cursing the silence in my head. I’ve watched and listened for something (anything!) that would get the words flowing inside of me. As I sit here in silence, I realize that this is exactly what I needed to embrace all along. I am suddenly aware of my surroundings again; things that I forgot to notice in my crazy busyness.

He knows me oh so well…better than anyone else.

He whispers to my heart…”Be still and know that I am God.”

I put my pen to my journal and my fingers begin to move…

I smile.

~CindyLu~

be still