Sometimes I think people see me as living life with my head in the clouds…like, I’m out of touch with the hurtful obstacles of life. My words are almost always filled with hope and happiness, because it’s a road I most often choose to take. There’s just something inside of me that always tries to see the positive and beautiful things in this messy life. I’ve always wanted more than what I sometimes felt was flung in my direction…and because of that, I do my best to never linger in the negatives.
But trust me…I fall down. I’m no different than anyone else; and I face heartaches, stumbling blocks and crossroads just like the next person. I want to tell you this, because I want to be real with you. While I’m always driven to encourage others, I don’t want to always put such flowery words out here that make me seem out of touch with a real and hurting world.
Most days I can weigh it out fairly quickly. I think I’ve just become a little bit better with it, or maybe wiser, so I’m quick to bounce back. I can usually play out, in my mind, the various scenarios of what “could” happen, depending on which trail I take, so I can easily assess the best one. Phew! Dodged that bullet!
But man, when I fall down…
I’m so tempted to linger there. I don’t want to move forward, I don’t want to forgive, I don’t want to sacrifice. Those words can taste so foul on my tongue. Sometimes I even feel like taking that rabbit trail…maybe just dip my toe in it to see what it feels like. Because I’m tired…and weary.
And for a while…it can feel really good to just stay there…lingering. “Forget everyone else. What about me?!” is what my mind will say. I’ll stomp the proverbial foot and fight what I know is right. I’m frustrated, angry, overwhelmed, unforgiving…and I feel justified in that. “People don’t really know me. They don’t really care.” Is what my mind will say, so I’ll linger there…sometimes much longer than I should. Yeah…it feels good…for a moment. But then I begin to see the effects of staying there. When I fall down, my heart becomes cloudy and confused…the wound begins to fester. Chaos sets in and I begin to hate this feeling.
And then…I begin to feel the nudge…and He speaks right into my heart with breaths of fresh air that say, “Come to me, child. Take My hand. Let’s brush you off and clean up that wound. Together, we’ll keep moving forward.” And my heart softens, and I feel the courage to stand up…and it feels oh so much better than where I was lingering.
My heart overflows with gratefulness…for His unconditional grace, compassion, patience and gentleness as He lovingly guides me, brushes off the dust and grind, and encourages my heart to see the beauty He lays before me…when I fall down.
“Come to me,
all of you who are weary
and carry heavy burdens,
and I will give you rest.”