It seems as if it’s been forever since I last wrote something here. I think that as life threw its curve balls at me, I just didn’t know how to put it all into words…and so, I didn’t even try.
To give you a bullet point, the job that I had invested about seventeen years of my life into was suddenly eliminated. As a result, it sent me into a spiral of emotions that shocked even me. I’m an even-keeled person, and it takes a lot to send me tossing about, but this life event sure did. Just like they say, there are certain things in life that cause you to go through the grief emotions, and I did just that.
But, I have found my land legs again and honestly, it was a blessing in disguise. I mean, how fun that I have all this time to write! The problem has been that I’ve hardly written a single thing for people to see. Yesterday, the switch flipped.
HB and I spent the day with some good friends of ours. We visited a nearby flea market and took several random photos of food, flea market finds, and selfies, as my girlfriend and I tried on funny and super cute hats. I have always loved hats and have been told that I have great hair for hats, yet, I never wear them. I decided that I was buying not one, but TWO new hats and committed to actually wear them.
But as I said, we took lots of fun pictures and as I sat down last night to take a look back at the day, I was so surprised to see myself in these photos. All I could think was, “Who on earth is that woman posing as me?!?!” Feelings of shock and disgust fell on me, and I almost deleted them in that moment. But then decided, no…I need these. It was actually very sad to look at this woman who allowed the past couple of months to derail her life a little bit. In truth, I love this woman and seeing her like this made me want to take care of her. While the day was filled with fun, I could clearly see the toll life’s events had taken on her.
And so, the switch flipped right there.
This new feeling of energy, encouragement and excitement overcame me as I looked at my reflection in this photos. I walked into the bathroom and pulled that dusty scale out from under the dresser and decided to face the reality of it all. Shocking, yes – I weigh more than ever have – but it didn’t surprise or destroy me.
I stepped back down and looked at myself in the mirror. When I’m all dressed up, jewelry and makeup on, and hair styled, it’s easy to ignore the unhealthiness that I’m trying to hide. So, I really looked at myself, and all I could think was, “Good grief…I am so sorry at how unkind I’ve been to you.”
Next week is my 52nd birthday, and the gift I’m giving myself is declaring this time of my life, “MY” decade. I have been raising children since I was 17 years old (yes, I started young). They have all grown and are creating lives of their own, so I’m giving myself permission to step away from their lives a bit and turn the focus around to me. I’m flipping the switch.
For those of you younger than me, I have lots of advice and insight to send out to you about the baggage we carry through our decades. For those who are in my age range, I hope to encourage you as you also blaze through this era of your life. As well, I look forward to soaking up the insights and encouragements of others as they come my way.
Join me on my new and improved journey as I approach a brand new year and finally embrace and seize this decade of my life.
*raising my coffee cup to you!* CHEERS!